Groovy 70's-



I was a curiosity. I was not a celebrity but people were curious about me. "Do you have computers in the Philippines?" "Where did you learn to speak English?" "How many sisters and brothers do you have?" "Is there liquid paper in the Philippines?" "Yes, in school beginning in second grade, five, three, yes, respectively."

Yes, we are just like regular folks in those 7,000 islands. We have a love and hate relationship with the USA. We "kodak" each other, we buy Close-UP colgate, we love Levi's jeans, Ford Mustangs, and we speak with that distinct Filipino accent. We know not to say "same difference," "BFD!", or "NFW!", or "I did not do nothing no way." When you ask us, "Did you not like it?" and we answer "Yes," it does not mean we liked it. It only means we are agreeing with your statement. "Yes, (positively) I did not like it." So I had to learn American speak.

I learned to say "How ya doin?" instead of "How do you do?" I learned to say "I am doing well thank you, and you?" and moved on even before I heard a complete response. I understood that no one had the time to listen to how I was doing or that I was not expected to care "how they doin" either. "Have a great day!" "You too!" These exchanges were not necessarily earnest. They were expressions no more thoughtful than saying "How ya doin?" to that homeless schizo named Mary, who yelled on top of her voice every morning, "Washington was not a f***** US citizen!

I painstakingly learned to agree with negative statements by repeating the negatives I was agreeing to. "Did you not see what they brought?" "I did not see what they brought." "That was awfully stated." "That was awfully stated." I became an echo, a reinforcer of negative statements.

I started to address people I was talking to with "y'all or you guys" And I learned to pronounce my long and short vowels. It was not Keem. It was Kim. Say ih. Say Kihm. It was camera like "kemra" instead of "kuhmera," etcetera. Someone said that the Filipinos are the only people who cannot pronounce the name of their country correctly. Philippines. Pilipins. Philifins. Filipins. What...ever! Same difference. Give me a break.

The only non-negotiable item for me was that I would refuse, and never ever put my preposition at the end of my sentence, as in "Where are you at?" It is because I am usually following the preposition.


My "colonial mentality speak" aka "colegiala Taglish speak" - as in all words emphasized with a sing-song melody that only those of my generation in Manila who are familiar with it would understand, "I was making paliwanag to Yeyeng about our plan to join her at the beach really talagah. Pero yun na nga, kase nagkarohn ng problem sa kot-tse so obvious ba, we did not make tuloy the trip no? And she was parang galet?!" died, kaput, nada mas.


My sisters were shocked at this creature before them. They have lived in the USA for many decades at that time. They told, albeit the love they could muster for their baby sister, that she was obnoxious. They said she spoke in a strange language that was weird. They accommodated the leather boots she insisted to wear at 90 degree weather. They had no problem with the jeans and skimpy tops. But they were not too indulgent when she spoke in that funny jargon. I did not understand the problem. I was just being my special self. A friend told me bluntly-"Speak English or speak Tagalog. But not both in one sentence. You are annoying!" So there.

2000's-

So, is there liquid paper in the Philippines? Not anymore. That is so 70's! They have "backspace" and "delete" keys these days. They have telephones that sing, ring, take photos, tell them directions, among other things. The Filipinos can eat, drive, sleep, swim, fight, do a sommersault and text at the same time: "d2 na me. wr r u?"

According to an article in the Wall Street Journal, the Filipinos pioneered texting. The insurgents and the soldiers fought, cursing each other through text messages. I can imagine their messages:

Soldier: "Gd am. Srounded na u. srnder na kau. "

Insurgent: "Gd am. We fght 2 dth u.

Soldier: Unjan na kme. Suko na kau."

Insurgent: "C ge subok u. Ha3:-) Kaung ma3tay"

Soldier: "Tado! tk ker u kc ded na u! ulul kau"

Insurgent: "Kulit u. ulul, ptina u!"

Soldier: "Ggo ulol trntado!!"

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Me to both: LMAO!

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But I do have a question to both Army and Insurgent before they kill each other with their cell phones:

Hey, y'all, tell me something. Is there still a rolling "r" in the Philippines?

The soldier may say: The rolling "r" is an endengared consonant in Manila. It is replaced with a curious twang- they write in TEXT talk, and they talk like they were stranded in a bad storm between Luzon and California and forced to speak in a new alphabet. There are three words in the modern Filipino girls' 20-30 something talk that are curious--"parang," "kasi," and "pero."

Hey, check it out!-- (another Americanese I learned:)

"parang" -- not an English word. Parang means "like" or "meadow." It is pretentious to pronounce it "pahrung." Filipinos use of parang is the equivalent of the x-gen speak "as in "Like I was going to the mall with Vicki and , she was like totally late and I was like no, you did not just stood me up...."


"kasi" means "because" but if the speaker wants an American inflection, write it plainly as "kasi" because Americans will pronounce it with a short "i". By insisting on writing it "kase," only defies the pretentiousness given to it because Americans would then pronounce it "kaseeh." Kasi as in Tim, brim, grim, live, yup, short " i."


The insurgent may say: "Pero" is a Spanish word for "but," and should never be pronounced pro, kase there is no word naman in Tagalog na "pro" no?" "Kase, puhrung you're pretending naman to be born sa Cah-lee-for--niyah pro jan ka naman born at chukuh raised sa Maneela!" Uuuuuuuugh!

I may say to them: Oh, I see history repeated. I see the colegiala attitude; trying to be worldly, way ahead of the pack, elitist, and snooty. They put an American inflection on three simple words. In the Pinoy parlance, it is called the "trying hard" mentality. Obnoxious!

So there.