Audition for the Part of Mrs...Part 5 of many - I was chosen for the part!

Audition for the part of Mrs….Part 5 of many

And so it was that in the summer of 1997 that BF, myself, little son, and nanny moved in together.

There was his ugly sofa. But then I was told that my sofa was equally if not more hideous. So, the hideous sofa went to the basement and the ugly sofa graced the living room. There were heated discussions about where to hang art work and there were “compromise walls” that went empty for over a year. We could not agree as to what should hang on them and we voiced our strong opinions against each other’s choice. We decided that the only thing that was acceptable to us both was to leave the space empty.

A few weeks later, BF asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I wanted a Pyrex meatloaf pan. Seriously. On my birthday morning, he handed me what felt like a metal meatloaf pan, albeit wrapped elegantly. My heart skipped a beat and my mind raced. Why did I do this to myself? I was thinking, “He is cheap! How could he have bought me such a cheap metal pan?” DISSAPPOINTED! (as uttered by Kevin Kline in the movie, “A Fish Called Wanda”) I said “thank you” without opening it. He asked, “Are you not going to open your present?” So I politely sat up and proceeded to tear the wrapper. Inside the pan was a small white box. Inside it was a ring with a four-carat blue sapphire center and a trillion-cut diamond on each side. He got on his knees and asked me to marry him. Thus, BF has earned a new abbreviation of FE (fiancé).

Around the end of January, FE announced that I needed a new car. I had been driving a 1989 Saab, with manual transmission and a big chocolate stain from a Hershey chocolate bar hurled at the rear window by my son. The chocolate bar melted under the sun and made an ugly stain that looked like I attempted to murder my son. FE did not like my car. For a lot of people, a Saab 900 is an acquired taste. I absolutely loved mine.
Unbeknownst to me, FE had been taking little Kris and test-driving cars. At this particular time, when he announced that I needed a new car, my son said “Mommy, we drove a Jaguire.” FE said the Jaguire did not have enough room for his legs so would I mind driving a Mercedes Benz? It was 1997; M-Benzes were not as common as Dunkin Donuts in the US at that time. Did I mind driving one? I minded it like I mind flying business class. Hee-hee. He himself drove one, whom he affectionately called Ben. So we went to the dealership to look for a baby Benz to keep Uncle Ben company. I wanted a black car. He wanted a silver/gray car. Boring. Boring. Boring. I wanted a black car, period. He wanted a silver grey car, period. I told him my skin would look better against a black Benz. He has not heard of such a preposterous idea.

He said grey or silver car color is classic. I told him it’s blah. We quit speaking to one another. The salesman was getting nervous. Then, I saw, a few feet away from us was a Calypso Green model. It was the color of the Interstate Highway signs all over North America. I said, “Okay, we should buy that green one.” The ploy did not work. Instead, he said, “Okay, we will buy that green one.” So we took home the Beltway Green car. The salesman Mahmood told us it was a trendy color at that time (he probably was happy to get it out of the lot) but I honestly did not want a trendy car. I imagined it is perfect for a TV ad – a guy with a George Hamilton tan and a young woman with Victoria Beckham’s balloons are smiling at each other against a backdrop of sun and sand– A voice over asks, “How would you like to spend a week in the Caribbean for as low as $1199? Call now, 1-800-WE-TRAVEL for a 20% discount for the first 100 callers. $1199 is all it takes to stay at the Ranchos Resort for not 1, not 2, not even three but a total of glorious 7 days. You must be eighteen or older to participate. ” Camera pans the twin sister of my green Mercedes Benz driven in front of resort , young woman with Victoria’s balloons in sarong and hat and George’s tan man poses and go towards the green water while the green Mercedes Benz drives away. But not fast enough for viewers to exclaim, "Look at that ugly car! OMG, are they serious?"

He bought the green car. I named her Sally. We both made vicious fun of “her” color but she was dependable and flirtatious!

Lesson 1 – hideous is in the eye of the beholder.

Moving on, FE asked me if I would sign a pre-nuptial agreement.
I consulted a lawyer, but not the one I was getting married to. My lawyer read the pre-nup document and advised me to go ahead and sign it. Some people consider signing a pre-nup unromantic. “Why would he ask you to sign one? It shows he does not trust you about money?”

Why should he trust me? I do not even trust myself to make the right decisions about money. I mean, I have actually overpaid for things and those salesmen exist to rip you and me off. Anyway, I believe that a pre-nup is important to lay down the rule that no one is entitled to anything that each party to the agreement (marriage) earned or owned prior to the time of marriage. I also think that it is absurd to think that I was marrying my FE for romantic reasons. I was marrying him because some people love each other enough to swear they will not leave each other come hell or high waters. I am not sure I got the idiom correctly. I wanted to marry this person who treats me as an equal and someone I respect a lot, and someone who decclare his devotion to me and to my son. Okay, let me cut the BS. It was fine, really, I was okay with it and I was also dying to know exactly how much he was worth that he would spend the money to pay for language to make sure that I do not get my hands on it. And only if I divorce him. If I don't, maybe he would share a little?

When the lawyer asked him what I was bringing into the marriage. He said “Nothing.” She said, “Is she in some retirement plan?” “Yes, she works for the US Congress.” “Well, she might be worth more than you are!” she teased. When he told me this, I cracked up. I told him, “Did you not say I was bringing beauty and laughter, grace, and a kid into your life?”

My fiancé was a quick-thinking, smart, financially savvy guy. He did not want to marry anyone with any debt. He did not want red marks on my financial statement so he and I drew a plan on how I could make the red marks go away before we got married. By the time I signed my name on the pre-nup, promising that I would not be greedy if we get divorced; that I would not try to take what was not mine, that I would not go after his money that I was not about to go after any collections he owned, Christmas ornaments, art, savings, stocks, bonds, the ugly sofa, his monogrammed towels, antiques, coffee mugs, food processor, whatever, I was a good catch. I did not have any debt, I did not have any car payment, no credit car debt. I was clean as a whistle.

The pre-nup work both ways. It stated that if we get divorced, he was not entitled to go after my hidden wealth either, so well hidden, I myself could not find it, or my collections like – my shoes, bags, jewelry, true crime books, my white and blue porcelain bowls, and my Balinese art and my Filipino book collection. Oh, and my jazz CDs and my plants, and my old pots and pans. He told me that he liked the that he did not have to go through diaper changes and bottles with Kris. I asked him where he was when I was doing all that. He responded, “I was busy in law school preparing for our future.” Then, I told him, "This is a hypothetical question. Does a man get to fight over someone's son brought into a marriage that is dissolving?" His response: "Hypothetically? No. Don't worry, you can tell your hypothetical friend her son is safe." Good.

I won the Lotto of life. I found my soul mate - an honorable, caring, responsible, intelligent, successful man who earlier in our relationship told me, “I will not say I love you yet because when I do, it will mean I have thought a lot about it and I have made plans and those plans include Kris.”

Lesson 2 – Powerball hits you only once. When it does, do not duck!

Sally, the calypso green car was sold three years later and I hope whoever bought her loved her as I did. She was replaced by a much bigger model that’s silver and grey. I did not name her replacement. It’s just a car.

Lesson 3 – Learn to accept that color can be blind – or that you can get blinded by color or that you must be blind when you cannot see color. In other words, if it is free and it is a Mercedes Benz, just take the darn thing, say thank you, and drive it.

So I signed our pre-nup and our wedding was set for the Spring of the next year.