One day, my husband (HB) asked me to hit “pause” and asked what was going on. I told him that if he wanted to watch with me, I would turn on the subtitles. He said, “Yes, I want to know what is going on.” Night after night, the two of us would stay up to see what was happening to Luisa and Carding, the protagonists. We talk about them as though we knew them. During one of our family meals, we started to discuss what was happening. Our son asked “Hey are you talking about Mom’s relatives in the Philippines?” “No, we are talking about the characters in this telenovela.” “Geez, you are talking like they are family!”
During one episode, I felt so bad for the underdog and I felt slighted at the words being hurled at her by the antagonist. It was a scene where the character Luisa was working as a maid in the rich woman’s house. Luisa’s little brother came and saw a cake on the table and he touched it. The woman saw it and pushed Luisa’s face onto the cake calling her a patay-gutom (pejorative description of someone who is hungry/destitute) because of the way her baby brother acted. I cried. My husband fell silent. I calmed myself. I turned it back on, secure in the knowledge that the actress probably got to laugh about that scene and she could buy two more chocolate cakes if she wanted to. A month later, we finished the telenovela. I missed the characters like a vacationer leaving a resort where everyone treated the guests most kindly.
In the early part of this year, my niece gave me a set of another telenovela that starred the same young actress in Gulong ng Palad. I was addicted. Night after night, I would wish that my husband would get home a little later so I can watch my DVD on the 52 inch screen; I would take my portable DVD player in the Metro so I can catch a 15-minute of it, to my hairdresser so I can watch while my hair took color. I took my DVD to an out- of- state training, watching it on my laptop plugged into the Acela train outlet enroute and each night in my hotel room.
HB likes to watch but he does not mind missing a few episodes and take pleasure, I think, in disturbing my enjoyment by asking questions continuously. I do not mind explaining but I mind that he speaks, loudly, to the characters, telling them how stupid they are, or asking WHY they are not doing something to fix the situation. Invariably, I would turn to him and say “That is why there is drama.” If the characters do all the logical things the viewers see, then story would be too bland. It also bothers me that the he would hit the pause button of the remote control, like he was entitled to do just that, and say, “Now I am confused. So how come…” “It is because you are two-DVDs late!”
I watch my "tele" in silence. The only time I get loud is when I laugh at a scene but I never offer suggestions, criticisms, advices. I trust that the director and the writer and the editor are all doing their part. Sometimes they fail. Some scenes are so contrived that I wish I could direct it myself. The scenes are so contrived and insulting to my sense of drama. “This is too painful to watch. I don’t want to watch this crap anymore.”
There are at least 13 elements in a Filipino tele . In my observation they are as follows:
1. Cell phone – they take their calls while driving, eating, sleeping, walking, smoking, fighting. If the cell phone rings, it has to be answered at whatever time.
2. Separation of siblings at birth or separation from parents at birth- so that one ends up poor and becomes wealthy, and the arrogant rich can be put in jail.
3. DNA Testing - to prove that the siblings are from the same gene pool for better or for worse.
4. Rich man/poor man; rich girl/poor girl – always a good situation for conflict.
5. A bitch – to speak English and allow my husband to say, “She’s a bitch!”
6. An asshole – to speak Taglish and allow me to say, “What an asshole!”
7. A likeable fool who bungles his/her English and adds comedic relief – someone to make up another Taglish expression like “Get-sing ko.” (I get it.)
8. Friends who become “members” of the nuclear family – this is the Filipino answer to the American soaps’ way of introducing new characters by bringing in “kids who were away from college” or “dead people who were not dead, it was just a bad dream”. Filipinos adopt their neighbors instead.
9. Nannies/Drivers – to provide the status symbol of the rich and more importantly, they set up twists so that they are the ones who would provide addresses of their masters to strangers, would kill for their masters, or the surrogate parents of adopted children into a blended family situation.
10. Nice house with a swimming pool – to demonstrate wealth. No one swims in it.
11. A house in the slum area by the river – to illustrate a meteoric rise of the protagonist from the slums to Greenhills, a very rich area.
12. Guns, the more, the merrier – to better threaten each other not to tell the truth.
13. YELLING – someone is always yelling and screaming. ALWAYS.
So it was that we came to the end of one telenovela that has taken us through all the incredible, laughable and some outright stupid scenes and dialogues. It was a scene of utter confusion and I was engrossed when the film stopped. Then I heard HB from behind, “Hey, do you want me to tell you who I think will die and who will not?” Oh my God. He cannot be serious. He was. ‘No, I don’t want you to.” Oh really, I have to dispose of his body.
The scene came to life. No one died, but someone got seriously hurt. There is pandemonium. Everyone screams on Filipino films and telenovelas. I think one of the things that they audition the actresses, most especially is how strong their lungs are. They cannot say “This is not acceptable,” calmly. The ladies also cry a river. But that is only after their Hermés purse is safe and away from the salt of their tears. The purses are always on top of a desk, lest the viewers forget that Jinkee Pacquiao does not own all the Hermés in all of the 7,000 islands of the republic. Victoria Valera does. (A wealthy character in another Pinoy tele.)
Anyway, it is always the good guy that get hurts in the beginning but what violent deaths the villains get in the end. The snooty rich bitch always end up in a mental institution. In the Filipino telenovelas, the patient who had been hurt would always wear a bandage with a big red spot, even after a month of the injury! I concluded that modern day Filipinos must all take blood thinner pills as they do not stop bleeding even after a month in the hospital, if you base it on these telenovelas.
HB asked me to wait for him to see the last episode of one over- the- top telenovela. On that fateful night, we sat down to see our characters, dolled up and ready for a final showdown. A few minutes towards the end of the show, the DVD started reversing. I clicked “play” on my remote but somehow it kept reversing. Someone or something was rewinding the scene in the middle of the most crucial part of the telenovela. I have never been so pissed, I mean pissed! I got up and slammed my remote on the arm of my chair and surprised my own self as I said, to the TV, mind you, “Are you seriously fucking with me?” In a heartbeat, the DVD continued playing. Hopefully, a lesson was learned that night. When it comes to my villains and my heroines, you do not REWIND on me.
I am now watching what I was told was a “mega-hit” telenovela in Manila a year or so ago. My niece told me that Manila would be on a stand-still when this show would go on the air. There are 22 DVDs and I am only on number 9th. Already, babies have been sold, people have been killed, DNA’s have been tested, houses were bought and sold, people have been medicated for psychopathic attacks, and the story keeps twisting yet. The title is “Tayong Dalawa” (Two of Us).
I would like to suggest, post-production, to change it to “Planning a Wedding to your Brother’s True Love” (How to Betray Your Brother Before and After DNA Tests).
A friend of mine asked me why I watch these novelas. First, I love listening to Tagalog and I get nostalgic when writers use exquisite Tagalog like “katarungan” and “nagsusumamo” – (justice and plead from the heart, respectively). These words move me deeply. And yet, I hear modern Filipino phrases like “carry ko.” (I can do it), “huwag ka nang mag-senti” (do not be sentimental) or “don’t be nega” (don’t be negative).
Husband said he noticed, from watching that the Filipinos have a redundant language rule, i.e., to make something superlative, the word is said two times. For example, “ganda-ganda” (very pretty), “saya-saya” (so much fun) and yes, we even give nicknames as such. We have Jun-jun, Bong-bong, Au-au, Chichi, Deng-deng, Weng-Weng. See, I am not the only one learning through this new addiction.
From the telenovelas, I am transported in my beloved country of origin without the dust and the heat and the pain and the suffering of the poort and the pretentiousness of the rich. It gratifies me that I understand the Filipino ethos; I embrace what is good in the culture and reject the bad. When I see faces that are images of my own, I re-affirm the part of my heart that is still Filipino and proud of my American mentality.
Tonight, I will watch another hour of my Filipino teleserye, and an hour of Spanish telenovela. Between the two, I will have major major fun!
