Then a young man approached me with a little sachet he put in my hand. He tells me his name is Philippe and he is an Israelite. He tells me he is from Boca Raton and is about to open a spa upstairs, in the mall. He was operating from a kiosk next to the cell phone guys.
“May I ask you a question? I am Philippe. I want to give you a product sample.”
-Sure, ask away.
“You are pretty.”
-Are you asking me if I am pretty?
“I have something to help you maintain your look, from the sea, you know dead sea. Let me apply it on your eye. Look at the mirror!”
-Dead Sea? Are you sure this is not going to kill me? Oh well, it does look firmer. Wow. (WTH did I say that?)
“And this product will last you a year, it works at night on your under eye muscle and the other is for daytime. You have heard of Botox?”
-I drink Botox.
“Hahaha. You are funny. No, botox is a (sic) poison you know...”
-I know. I drink it by the gallon. I love it.
“Hahahaha, You must spend a lot of money on it. How much you pay?(sic)”
-Not too much. I get a good deal. You want my doc's name? Where is my sample?
“I put the sample on your eye already.”
-Really. Wow, you are way too generous.
He then whips out his Iphone and shows me photos of his clients.
“See this photo? See before?”
He shows me a photo of what appears to be a woman in her 80’s, obviously worked on at least five times before, I was guessing a lift at 40, 50, 60, 70, and 75th --
“She uses my products, see after-. Look at this other lady. See her here – before, and here, after.”
-Oh my God, these are your clients? They look like they are at least 150 years old! Hahahaha -- Are you serious? They need your product, Botox, Radiesse, Perlane, PRP, another facelift, and a wheelchair. They spend that money? Wow, almost dead gorgeous women! Those Boca women have more money than wits!
Philippe could not help but laugh. Then he goes back to his sales pitch.
"This product really works and it is not cheap because it lasts you a year."
It is indeed packaged elegantly, and it goes like silk on the skin.
-Look I am not paying $400 a bottle for lotions. I am fine with Neutrogena.
But this is much better and it is for a year's supply, and you have seen how it works on your eye. Tell you what, you can have both products for $200. It is not because I am nice but because you deserve this product at the price you think is right.
-I guess. I like that eye cream. I hope it works.
I paid for my purchase and about ready to go.
Suddenly, the next character entered. They both speak in a foreign tounge to each other.
“This is Isaac and he will give you a sample of the facial packs. Isaac, you can give her a short demo of the mask?”
-Sure I can give her one. (Isaac proceeds to pull out jars from the display counter) Then he gives me a look and tells me, "Sit down please." He proceeds to clean the left side of my face.
--Excuse me, what are you doing?
He gives me the look.
-Just sit and relax. I will show you how wonderful this product is. This is only $500 a jar but it is the most beautiful thing.
“And Isaac, how often does she use this?”
-She will use it once a week.
“You use it once a week” Philippe was already treating me like I am old and deaf.
“Isaac, is this product made of sea minerals?” He prompts Isaac.
Isaac answers his cue, like this is the first time he has heard the question.
-This wonderful product is made of sea minerals, Philippe. It is wonderful and you buy this for $500 and then you need to buy…
--Guys, you sound like you are being filmed for an infomercial.
Then I stared at an imaginary camera and I said, “Yes, I was butt ugly before Philippe introduced me to the Dead Sea eye cream. My life changed because of it. Now I feel more confident and youthful. I was close to dead but now I am revived thanks to the Dead Sea Salt cream. If you are one of the first 100 callers, you can get the eye cream and the moisturizer for only $1,000 for both jars.” They were laughing, "Oh wow, we should do that, really!"
I looked at the two Israelites. --I am not paying $500 for a jar of mud.
Isaac gives me a look and and clicked his tounge against his cheek, shaking his head and giving me a stern look. He proceeds to put this white creamy stuff on my face. I kept ducking but Philippe tells me to just relax and wait. "This will take just a minute." Then Isaac opens a jar that contains what looked like molten lava rock.
-This is for your neck. Look, it is like powdered caviar.
--Listen guys, you have shown me your products but I have to be somewhere else. I did not come here to get a facial. Please take this off my face. I want to go now.
Isaac gives me a stern look and proceeds to line up the products on the counter, he is moving unbelievably fast, like he wants to close a deal.
-This is only $500 and the mudpack for the neck is $450. You will buy both and you need…
-You need this for your face. (He gave me a stern look, as if admonishing me for not whipping out my Amex and buying yet.) This one is for your neck, here let me put it on. Turn this way. You apply it on and then wait…
--Get this thing off my face now! I mean, NOW. This is false imprisonment. You are now holding me against my will and having me make a decision under duress.
I proceeded to grab a piece of Kleenex and take off the cream off my face. Isaac gave me a warning look and they were both facing me. I got louder.
--I am not buying any product from you ! (addressing Isaac). Do not give me that kind of look because I am tired of you trying to intimidate me and I am tired of having to sit here while you two gang up and coerce me into buying. What the hell are you, the Hamas or something?
Philippe said, “Okay, okay, sorry, please calm down. We were just trying to show you some awesome products.”
Now it was my turn to give them a LOOK while I succeeded in getting off the cream off my face. Then I looked them both in the eye and said the following, in a firm lowered voice:
--I can afford to buy any product I want from you. However, I do not like being pushed. “
I left in a huff, but I had $200 worth of products in my own little fancy Premier paper bag.
I kept thinking about the photos of those Boca Raton women. They look like they are on the last of their bucket list. A 90-year woman with a trust fund believes she can wake up to a face of a fifty year old after using some hyped-up moisturizer the night before. Just ask Joan Rivers.
Oh BTW, I am using the cream and loving it.
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