You can do THAT?

I wish I had a magic wand or a “cancel” button so that I can restart and reboot all the growing pains to befall my child.  However, I definitely believe that it is important for him to own the scars from the choices he has made. I subscribe to the fact that learning life's lessons take time.  I used to actually have a magic wand.  Let me take you to that journey before I lost my "power."

When my son was around eight years old, he collected Pokemon cards.  Many times we would take him to the game store and fall in line under the sun and in very cold weather so that he could buy the latest  minted holograms/cards. This collection was not necessarily cheap either. He spent his little allowance on them.  He wanted us to take him to Japan so he could meet the Pokemon characters.  He was so happy when he saw Kaerope painted on wings of Japan Air Lines on a lay-over on our way to Asia.  We indulged him and engaged him when he talked about this or that character “Oh, he is sooo cute!” “Really, that is very special? I did not know that!"

During this time, we enrolled him in summer camp. He wanted to take his collection to camp to show his “friends.”  We told him that it would be a bad idea, he could lose them, that other kids might take them.  He would not be swayed. He insisted and we let him.

I got a call from his Dad in the afternoon.  He picked up Kris from camp and he was crying.  Apparently, he actually lost some cards. His nanny called me, “Kris has not stopped crying since he came home. I don't know what to do. I gave him milk but he would not drink it.”  I came home to an inconsolable little boy.  I offered to take him for burgers, “It will make you feel better and I will buy you a toy.”  He reluctantly went with me to the mall. He ate his burger and holding his little hand, we proceeded to go to the toy store.  We bought Woody from “Toy Story.” He thanked me and we started to go home.

I kept checking him from the rearview mirror on the way home. He looked so sad and I was helpless to take away his sadness.  He was looking out the window with the saddest eyes.  When we got home, I sat down with him.  “Anak, this is the reason why Dad and I did not want you to take your Pokemon cards to camp. Some little boys took them without your permission.” “No, mommy they are my friends. They would not take them!” “They are your camp friends. You just met them in camp. Your friends are the ones you met in school but these kids are not your friends. Friends do not steal from their friends. You do not want to be friends with dishonest kids. These are acquaintances. Say it.”  “Acquaintances.” "Acqwaitsense."  “Not my friends.” “Not my friends but they are my camp friends, Mommy!”

I invited him to watch television with me in his   parents’  bedroom. I told him we can watch any movie he wanted.  He put his arms around my neck and kissed me. He said, and I remember it to this day, “I love you, Mommy. Thank you for the hamburger and fries. Thank you for buying me Woody. You make me feel warm and fuzzy all over but  it is not still taking my hurt away.”  Tears started streaming on his little cheeks again.  I would have given anything to make his “hurt” go away.  I glanced at the television screen. We were watching some animated Disney movie and an idea came up to me. So I turned him to face me.

 “Hush...hush.   Listen, I have not told you or anyone about this  before.  This is our secret.  When you go back to camp tomorrow, then you can tell your friends, ok? Tell them, “My mommy is a witch.  She  said she knows exactly who took my Pokemon cards.  If my cards are not returned by Friday, whoever took it will be turned into a fish, a merboy. My mom said she will cast her spell so that whoever took it will grow scales everywhere including his legs and it would be very itchy and she will make it stay that way until my cards are returned.”

He looked at me with  eyes bugging out.  “You can do THAT?”

“Trust me Anak, I can and I will. Have I ever let you down?" "No."  "So, what about you, can you say that to them?”  He said, “Yes I can, yes I can. I love you, Mommy.”

We went back to watching television with his little hands in mine.  That night he went to sleep soundly after we alternately read pages from Harry Potter.

The next day, Thursday.  Kris was happy.  He told his Dad over the phone that most of his cards were found by his friends on the playground.  His Dad was happy. The nanny was happy that she did not have to take care of a child who would not stop crying. I was happy too!   I did not say one extra word.

Friday, last day of camp week:  Kris reported to his Dad on their way home that he got ALL his cards back with his awesome friends finding each one of them and happily announcing to him, “Look, I found your missing Pokemon card!” 

That night, my husband (HB) wanted to know something.  “What is this I heard that my wife is a witch?” Apparently, Kris told him that I had some sort of magic and that he got his cards back after he announced to his camp friends that his mother was a witch.

I told my HB exactly what I told Kris.  He said laughing, “Oh my God!” Then he warned me, “Stop telling that to him. He might tell his classmates and his teachers and before you know it, someone will be setting bonfires in front of our house!”

I have not cast a spell since then and I never want to wish I could.  However, it wil be nice to own a magic wand so that every stroke I do will make my child remember to make the best possible choice: be punctual, reliable, proactive, communicative, financially conservative & responsible, to take out the trash,  put the dirty dishes in the washer, do his laundry, pay rent on time, continue to see the bigger picture, call his parents, text his Mom….return his boss’s calls, and text promptly so that he is not his “former boss.” I hope that he continues to be the resilient child that he is proving to be - learning to roll with the punches and not getting bitter when he is dealt with the unexpected. Learning the hard way is the only way to learn…