Le Chat Noir --- and the Brown Tabby

The hissing and posturing has started between our cat Bojo and the New Cat.  This rite of passage is taking place near the room where New Cat is isolated. Every hour on the hour, one of them is locked out somewhere in the house to get each other used to their scents.  Finally, Bojo stood outside New Cat’s door, left ajar with double door stopper to avoid “bloodshed. “ Bojo hissed and New Cat vocalized.

The following is the transcript of their encounter:

Bojo: You bastard, come out here and I will show you who’s the boss. You come in here acting like you own the place, taking my toys, my blankie,  my humans! Get  out of there you coward!

NewCat: Chill dude, I did not want to be here!  I was minding my own frigging business in my little cell at the shelter.  Your humans came to check me out.  The next day, some jerk low jacked me and I was being put in a porta cage. You think you are having a bad time, try getting a darn microchip planted on your ass! Then I had to listen to some weird  cello Yoyo Ma music all the way to your fancy pad. Gee-sees-cries!

Bojo:  I am so sorry I forgot to cry!  Who cares? You think this is your house, spying on me, I smelled your scent in my basement, in my bathroom, in my stairs, on my piano keys.  Would you not leave anything untouched in my house? Stop walking around!

NewCat:  Gimme a break!  First off, your toys are old and lame and your blankie is a freaking laptop carrier, L-O-L , OK??!!  What’s up with your collection of stuffed mice, HOARDER!  Hey calm down. Take some prozic, will ya?   I live here now, so get used to my swag.

Bojo:  Which trailer park did you come from?! If you want to live here with us, you need to mind your manners. Watch your language, shelter boy!  You will address me as "Boss". Never ever call me Dude, do you get it?  Bow in my presence.  I don’t ever want to see you looking straight at me.  Show some respect, get it? I own a  gun. You are not exempt from running when its laser light comes on.

NewCat:  Get real!  Seriously?

Bojo: Hissssssss!  Seriously.

NewCat:  Awright, okay, chill!  Earn my respect, don’t demand it. 

Bojo: I said, “Hisssssssssss!”

NewCat:  Hisssss  back at you!  I am not scared of some damn old cat.

Bojo: Be scared of the boss, be very scared of the boss. I warn you, I have a gun. My human points it on the wall with a red light and I run to it while he reads the number. "Seventy two degrees. Seventy one degrees."  And  I know how to use it.  And by the way, don’t touch my scratching wheel! Got it?

NewCat:  I get it!   Listen, I will stay away from your darn wheel, will you leave my catnabbis alone?  It is in the plastic bag by the catfood. 

Bojo: I knew it! Your toy is stuffed with that catnip shit. You punk, pothead, stoner, when will you ever learn?!

NewCat: It is just catnip, what’s the big deal. It is legal in Silver Spring, Maryland!  That's where I used to live.  Get over yourself, Pops. Seriously. Try it, you might learn a thing or two about peacing out.  

Bojo: Peacing out? Is that a proper word?  Catnabbis will make you lose your mind! That's as bad as texting while you prowl. You will not walk around this house under the influence, do you understand? Hisssss!

NewCat: Okay, I get it.  Hey, show me the gun.

Bojo:  Peace out, will ya?  You are wasting my time.