You think your'e something special!

Finally, the Boss cat and Chenji are making progress.  We eavesdropped to hear the latest and penultimate, if not the last chapter into their intervention:

Bosscat: Ok, it is not my decision whether you stay here or not.  Let us discuss our expectations, ok?

Chenji: Cool!

Bosscat: So let me introduce myself to you. You may not know it yet but our humans love to travel.  They were in some exotic place called South Carolina and they named me after this special chickin resto, mmm-hmm!

Chenji:  That’s amazing!  So is your name Chickin?

Bosscat: No, my name is Bojangles Chickin Restorant.  They call me Bojo for short.  I’m some kind of special, see?

Chenji:  I see. I used to be Redford at the shelter but the humans changed my name on my legal papers.  They called me Chobe then they called me Nuki. I was going crazy because I did not know who I was!

Bosscat: They named you Muchenje.  They call you Chenji. Do you know why?

Chenji: Because they keep changing my name so they kept chenjit and chenjit?

Bosscat:  No they named you after a camp in Botswana, Africa where I heard that the baboons kill each other at night. You are some kind of special too, yeah right.

Chenji: For real?  Is Africa in Canada? I wish I were named after a restaurant in South Carolina too.  I wish I were named…

Bosscat: You want to be named Chili, Hooters, Macaroni Grill, or Denny’s?

Chenji:  Macaroni!  Roni for short.  Call me Ronni, ok?

Bosscat: Sorry, you do not get to name yourself. Humans give us our names.  Your name is too lame, I agree. Chenji.  It sounds like a shang-hai junkie.

Chenji: You are funny, Pops.

Bosscat: One other thing, you need to be respectful.  Don’t call me me Pops. It makes me feel old and I can still wrestle you down.

Chenji: My bad. So tell me more about this place!

Bosscat: The white guy, he is my favorite. He lets me sit with him while he plays with that Apple- panini maker. He calls it Mac.  He lets me and Mac sit on his lap.  He gives me treats. I love peanuts but not Planters’, oh I hate that crap!

Chenji: You eat peanuts?  I am not sure but I may be allergic to that.

Bosscat: The secret to not being allergic is to give them a dirty look and don’t eat it when they give you any other kind other than Balducci’s peanuts. Demand it!

Chenji:  I love the Science Diet stuff.  I love healthy choices, meow. Let me show you my biceps, look, I will flex it again.

Bosscat:  I see. You work out, eh?  Me, I love chocolate truffles and cashew nuts.  I don’t believe in diets. I work out once in a while but who cares?  I also got depressed when I lost my brother.

Chenji:  I heard about that. I am truly sorry.  I am sure he is at peace somewhere. 

Bosscat: I do too. I miss him and don’t you ever pretend to be him.

Chenji: No worries.  I respect that.  I have catnip.  Hey, you wanna try some?  Seriously, all these talk of brain damage, that’s just B.S.! Look at me, do I look mental?

Bosscat: No, I am not a doper.  But you certainly have ADHD with hyperactivity.  Haha.

Chenji:  See now that’s offensive.  You are judging me, Pops, I mean Boss.

Bosscat: No I am not, I am saying you are making good dietary choices.  So make other good choices. Don’t screw your good luck!

Chenji: I don’t use it all the time!

Bosscat: Good.  Anyway, the brown lady, she is nice.  You can trick her into giving you some of her food but I tell you, her food is funky to the max!  She eats those darn grilled fish and that fish sauce is gross! I stay away when she has that in the kitchen.  She also eats a lot of lettuce, cucumbers, and almonds.  You know how that is---BORING!

Chenji: What’s up with the skinny dude? He is tall and he comes here and they get happy.

Bosscat:  Hold your voice down, jeez!  He used to live here then his shoes started to stink, his clothes started to get smaller, he stays in the shower until there is no more hot water then he stays out late. Then he disappeared for two years and I heard he went away  to some kind of universe of Kansas.  The lady always goes to his room and start crying there, holding a pair of old stinky Nikes.  Then on Fridays, his voice comes from that big screen over there. Yup, I heard him too, saying “What up, what up Kansas? ” Then music comes out  and they are really good.  Anyway, I heard Kansas has nothing but corns and cows and no Jewish people.  Is that warped or not? He told them about how he is practially a Jewish coz of all the bar meatballs and bat meatballs he had been to. You know, the Jewish kids when they become yucky thirteen they have their meatballs.   That is funny. Hey, he came back and they were in this living room talking.   I will show you where he sat.

Chenji: What happened? The other night, he came here and he asked me if I wanted to sleep on the couch. He is cool.  Me thinks he needs to shave. And he ate all of the soup! Ok, so what happened?

Bosscat: Well, here is where he sat in this chair after he returned from the universe of Kansas. He said he wants to be a rapper. The white man sat here, his face was red and talking very seriouly. The lady sat here crying.  They talked for over an hour about many things and then they said, ” That’s fine but your scholarship is effectively on hold. You have to finance your music.”   He said he wanted to explore his options. I do not know, I think it meant he went 'Ooops' on a lot of things. 

Later on, he worked at a pizza place then he worked at this place on K Street with guys named cool storms and fat storms.  His boss was a Chinese guy named Mr. Tag Lee.  Then our humans  helped him move out his stinky shoes, his dirty laundry, his books, his bed, lots of stuff, and some furniture. See, they bought him a condom.

Chenji: What is a condom? I wanna buy me a condom.

Bosscat: That is another name for an apartment. It is a two-bedroom condom not too far from here. I want to go there but they would not take me.

Chenji: Uh-oh, we gotta see the condom, we gotta see the condom. I bet you, they have catnip there.  You know, they have beer, catnip, video games, and hip-hop. I know that! I lived with humans like that in a condom in Silver Spring! 

Bosscat: Word to the stupid, just when you think you are something special, and humans are nice to you, you will make a bad choice and where do you end up? You can end up in the pound. If you are lucky, you will be taken back to the shelter.  Or you can just kiss your butt good-bye. All it takes is  Ethan Asia.

Chenji:  Is that a shot like vodka?

Bosscat: Nope, it is an injectable poison. They inject it into you, Ethan Asia.

Chenji: Oh, euthanasia. Yes, I know all about that.  We don't want that.  But how do you know about the pound? How do you know that?  Were you not born here?

Bosscat: No, I was given up for adoption as a kitten coz my Mom was on welfare and my Dad abandoned us.  There were four of us and my Mom did not have enough to feed us and we did not have enough room for everyone. She grew up working in Poolesville in some farm where she had to catch mice for her keep.  She was young when she had us.  We were taken to the pound by the farm's owner and then they moved us to the shelter for a while. I stayed there for eight weeks before I came here. So you got the same Yoyo Ma music in the car on the way here?  Anyway...

Chenji: Dude, you make me sad.  I don’t even know who my mom is.  I was in some nice home but the owners lost it and they just let me loose on the streets just like that. I was living off the restaurant discards in Silver Spring.  I am glad some old lady picked me up and took me to the shelter.  

Bosscat:  Now that you are here, they will love you.  Listen, she will play the piano. It is always the same music sheet. She will always make a mistake on the allegro part. Always.  Just pretend you like it. When you can’t stand it anymore, hop on the keys and start walking arpeggio-that means up and down. That will make her love you more. She thinks that’s cute. Watch me next time, ok?  Watch and learn.

Chenji: Okay, that’s sounds cool.  But what’s up with the lady next door, she saw me and said, “Oh my Gawd! I will call you Jack, Black Jack!"  I got scared.

Bosscat: Oh, Judi? She’s alright. She takes care of me when our humans go on nexvacation.

Chenji: What’s that?

Bosscat: Nexvacation? That’s when they leave me alone at home and I get to scratch all the walls downstairs and drink from all the four toilets. It is really fun.  They always talk while drinking wine, "So when is your nexvacation?"

Chenji: Oh yeah? Okay, I wonder when the nexvacation will be! Can I scratch and drink from the toilets too?

Bosscat: Sure! They will go to Colorado in a month or so.  That’s where we will move someday.  Stick with me, you will go places. 

Chenji: I am lovin it!  I am lovin it! 

Bosscat: Alright, calm down.  Now, let me show you where I hide stuff. I have her old night guard, his toothbrush, his ear muffs, a Xmas ball, her eyeglasses,  the boy’s charger, and some candy bars. I will teach you the ropes, I will be the leader.  Cool?

Chenji: Haha. Cool! You’re chill.  Peace out!