9 Sampagitas: ADHD- A label I wear for life, proudly!

I watched Rock 30 or whatever that Brian Williams’ program is about Adult ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder). One of the sufferers who was featured is a mom who dreamt of becoming an architect and did not pursue it because she felt different and inadequate academically. She now cleans other people’s houses . She has a son who has the same challenges she recognizes as her own. The other sufferer used to be a writer for TV programs like Melrose Place. He was brilliant but was let go because he could not get his act together and is always late for his deadlines. He defined, succinctly, what challenges people with ADHD face, and his definition resonated with me: ” We do not pay too much attention to the details of life.”

I am sure I have, presently, a mild case of ADHD, but when I was younger, I had the hyperactivity. I was always referred to as kiti-kiti, magaslaw , which can be a negative when you are in a country that believes in the timid personification of women like Maria Clara, a character in Jose Rizal’s novel. Simply, I was hyper-active and as a teen-ager, I was not getting good reviews and boys did not want to have anything to do with me,haha. My teachers would run out of things to say to make me stay focused, quiet, or be seated for long periods of time. Some of them recognized my challenge and had me do projects or pursue acting, public speaking, cheer leading, etc. I thrived when I have things to do, prove, think about, talk about. I was constantly in motion, bodily and mentally.

As a young adult and living on my own, I could never recall how I got from one place to the next, literally. It used to scare me that I was driving on the highway without memory of which turns I took; I just did it! I was generally on automatic pilot when it comes to the little details of life; I was bright and talented but I do not think I have actualized my potential until I was in my late twenties as I realized that I am different in my thought process. I willed myself to really understand what I am reading, focus and analyze, and acquire some personal "tricks" to retain a lot of knowledge I am getting from my academic and professional pursuits. I would repeat things I learned like someone else is telling me a story. Also, for instance, during classes, I would wear a rubber band on my wrist and pull it away and let go when I get distracted, telling myself, "Snap out of it!"

I have succeeded in overcoming my “disorder,” I believe I can write a handbook on the “How-to survive life (when you think ) You Have ADHD for Dummies,” I am no longer impaired by it; and in fact due to my acknowledging this problem, I have made it a point to compete with myself when it comes to my academic and professional life and prevail over the possible impairment.

My domestic life is another matter though. I am fortunate to be married to someone who appreciates my “weirdness” and loves me, despite and because of it. To give you a view of how it is to be with ADHD:

A weekend morning will start with me going to the basement to practice piano. This is my meditation. My piano at that time was against the wall leading to the laundry room so I would first decide to take out laundry and put them in the dryer and put the dried ones in baskets . As I look up from the basket of clothes, I see all my canned goods in the pantry so I start re-arranging them. Then I would put some in a grocery bag to take upstairs. I will then check the litter boxes as I pass by the cats’ area so I can complain about it if necessary. So I want to play the piano, which at this point I have more or less forgotten, but then I have not made coffee. I run upstairs, forgetting why I am there. So I walk around the kitchen talking to myself, “Ok, ok, what am I doing, hello…”

I go back downstairs hoping I would remember what I was doing upstairs, saying loudly, “piano, piano” So I play the piano but it bothers me to see this stupid bag of groceries I meant to take to the kitchen. So I get up and I realize that I have not dusted the piano in a while. I dust the darn thing. Then I sit down and I feel icky with the dusting so I wash my hands in the basement bathroom and I decide to clean the toilet. I get out and with cleaning in mind, I start fixating on the vacuum cleaner. Then I get reminded that I have to make the darn coffee! I go upstairs, decide to make the coffee and play the digital piano in the living room while waiting for the coffee. This digital piano was at that time located near the window near my plants. I go and sit on that bench, start with some notes and think about watering the plants so I stop playing and I start taking dried leaves off the plants and I would go to the kitchen to discard the leaves. Now I need water for the plants and also start thinking about photosynthesis and the Calvin cycle. I get the water for plants and start watering. I start playing again and then I am stressing that the water can is at my foot and on my way up to the kitchen, I see my laptop so I go on FaceBook. Then I get some coffee and when I get cream from the fridge, I wonder what I can grill for lunch and take out meats from the freezer.

I start drinking the coffee, I panic that I am running out of time, Facebook has to be put to “sleep,” so I go back downstairs and play the piano downstairs. At this, I calm down, and I practice for a couple of hours. One year, I played for over five hours straight -don’t be too excited, I am not a concert material by any stretch of imagination – but I go through my music books and I start playing something and then exclaim, “Are you kidding me Mozart!? Seriously, you and I cannot be friends!” or “No, thank you, I will not be abused by your music, I cannot play that!! Who plays that?” You see, people with ADHD can hold conversations - smart, funny, witty, informative, sarcastic quips with many personalities and only one person doing it. I certainly do not hear voices or I am talented enough to turn off anyone's voice except mine! One year, I ended up with tennis elbow and had to quit piano for over a year. Lesson learned: Do not play Mozart any more than necessary.

Regardless, I thrive in my professional endeavors, let alone my extra-curricular pursuits; however, my brain functions differently. For instance, I am very visual. I have to concentrate to listen. I can photographically remember verbiage and texts and situations, I can visualize artistic possibilities on stage; I can see the colors that will work and movements, but I will be damned if I can organize my closet if my life depends on it. The second point, and more importantly is that this disorder is not always bad. As the wife of the writer in Brian Williams’ program said, “My husband enriches my life because he says and does things that make me feel alive.”

When you are living with someone with ADHD, expect to hear the following in one paragraph: “I want to eat some chocolate cake. In Germany. Let's really plan a trip to eat cake in Germany. Someday I will drive an Audi oh no, maybe a Passat. I will eat kiwi ice cream there. You know that plant that I was telling you that I bought for $25? Do you know that it is so exotic , it was featured in the paper and I feel such a special gardener owning it. What would you like for lunch? Ok, we can go out, or I can grill, whatever, maybe, let us just go out. Oh no, I will grill ok? Yeah, what do you think? Hmmm...shall I take some dancing lessons? Hey do you think I should take dancing lessons? I am saying these while thinking: "But I will really want to write a book. Wow, our cats are getting fat. I think I should stop drinking coffee." Oh, we need to get laundry detergent from Sam's! Hello, I am talking to you.”

The answer from 'someone' loving of the partner with ADHD usually will be: “Sure, we can plan that for next year. Wow, that is really nice! We can either go out or you can grill, you can decide, you are a grown up, you know. Ok, take lessons, it will make you happy. You should do that, you should organize your writing. You drink whatever the hell you want.” Then it is followed with, “YOU are weird. I love YOU.”